The Joker
by Caz251
Summary: Summary: Rewrite of Torchwood: Children of Earth from Day 3 onwards. Spoilers for COE. Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood, it belongs to the BBC, unfortunately. I also have no rights to any member of the Royal Family, this is purely a work of fiction.


**Title:** The Joker

**Author:** Caz251

**Prompt #:** #30 – JOKER

**Prompt table: **A

**Fandom:** Torchwood

**Rating:** G

**Character/Pairing:** Jack, Ianto, Gwen, Rhys, Alice, Steven + The Royal Family

**Word count: **1825

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Torchwood, it belongs to the BBC, unfortunately. I also have no rights to any member of the Royal Family, this is purely a work of fiction.

**Summary: **Rewrite of Torchwood: Children of Earth from Day 3 onwards. Spoilers for COE.

Any method, trick, or expedient for getting the better of another

The Torchwood Team, plus Rhys Williams, were in an old Torchwood One holding area in London trying to recoup after the events of the previous two days and take stock of what they had that they could use to help them stop whatever it was that was happening.

"So, we've got... Guns, OK, and a pen knife. Laptop, now dead. Credit cards and a phone, which they can trace. Lemsip. Book of stamps. Pair of contact lenses. And fifteen quid." Jack spoke as he took stock of all they had.

"Plus 25p. With some bloody alien thing turning up today." Gwen chipped in.

Ianto then spoke up, "We've still got some of the Torchwood software though. We've lost the Hub, but the software still exists on the server. But we're going to need more equipment, and electricity."

"And how are we gonna manage that, hidden away like criminals." Rhys questioned.

"Well that's it. Brilliant!" Gwen replied, the others just looking at her in confusion.

"What?" Rhys questioned, not understanding his wife's way of thinking.

"Criminals. Thieves. Us. Well, they're treating us like criminals, let's be criminals. Listen, I trained with the police, I know every trick in the book! I've seen the lot! Come on, boys. You're gonna learn some tricks!" Gwen spoke, her enthusiasm evident in her voice.

"No." Ianto replied. "Just because we're being treated like criminals doesn't mean we should become criminals. There's another way we can do this."

"How?" Gwen asked, "Because I can't think of another way."

"Protocol CGT439." Ianto intoned. "We do this legally."

Gwen let out a snort, "Ianto, in case you hadn't noticed it's the government targeting us, I doubt they'll stop if we go in waving legislation at them. I've never heard of Protocol CGT439 anyway, what good would it do."

"It won't be us going in with the legislation. And you wouldn't have heard of that protocol, not many have." Ianto replied.

Jack just stared at Ianto as he spoke, "Do you think it will work? That there is enough against them for her to be able to pull it off?"

"Of course." Ianto replied. "Their actions in the last few days are in direct violation of the orders set out for the government in regards to the Charter. They've tried to kill us, blown up our base, both of which would come under the whole, 'None shall stand in our way.' Also they have tried to incapacitate the first line of defense against unworldly aggressors, which can be taken as conspiring against the crown."

Jack let out a short sigh before nodding, "You're right, now we just have to get there without being caught, we should be able to get in easily enough, even if I am dressed like this."

Gwen and Rhys just stared between them, "Anyone want to explain for those of us who don't speak in riddles." Rhys asked.

"Protocol CGT439 is a piece of legislation made between the Crown, the government and Torchwood, back in Victorian times. It protects Torchwood from the government in regards to the Torchwood Charter, it protects us from prosecution etc for carrying out the Charter and it can be used to topple the government and give power to the Crown if the government go against the legislation." Ianto explained.

Jack then spoke up, "All we have to do is get to the Palace and get and audience with Elizabeth, this government squad wouldn't try to get to us once we're inside the Palace grounds. Hopefully they won't have cleared all the tourists from the area yet and we can blend in."

The trip to the Palace was a lot easier than Rhys expected it to be, mostly due to Ianto and his Torchwood One training, all operatives, even research and archival staff, were trained to be able to get to the Palace from anywhere in London using CCTV blind spots just in case the Royal family had to be extracted surreptitiously. Gaining entry to the Palace seemed to be just as easy Jack seemed to rattle off a huge list of numbers at a guard and before they knew it they were being led into a receiving room.

They were in the room for a few minutes when the door opened and the Queen walked in, the three men in the room bowed whilst Gwen curtseyed. The Queen took her seat before gesturing to them to sit down as well. "Jack, Mr. Jones, I'm glad to hear you are both alright. Who is this with you?" she asked.

Jack and Ianto both thanked her then Jack introduced Gwen and Rhys, then Jack asked to use a phone and was pointed to a phone in the corner of the room that was on a secure line. Ianto was left to explain to the Queen what it was that they wanted to do to combat the government and how they needed her help.

Jack waited as the phone rang, willing it to be picked up, a small voice eventually came over the line, "Hello."

Jack gave a sigh, "Steven, it's me. Put your mum on the phone, please?"

There was quiet for a few moments before he heard Steven yelling, "Mom, Uncle Jack's on the phone", then someone running. A minute later the phone was picked up again, "Dad? Are you alright? I've been trying to contact you, I even tried the Cardiff police."

"Did you mention me by name?" He asked suddenly more worried than he had been, when she told him she had, he let out a sigh. "They probably already know where you are, they'll have traced the call. We're not sure what's happening, but I'm not risking you, get Steven and get out, okay. Remember what we taught you." He looked up and caught the Queen's eye, she nodded. "Listen try to get to your godmothers' old place in Cardiff if possible. We can have someone pick you up from there and bring you here, okay."

After she agreed they hung up so that she could leave, even if anyone had been listening to their conversation, no-one would know who her godmother was, even if they broke through her cover identity as it was never filed. The Queen was his daughters' godmother, just as he was the Queen's godfather, something that would never be safe to put down on official paperwork.

The Queen looked at him, "Are they alright?"

Jack just let out a sigh, "She called the police looking for me, whoever it is the government has after us will be looking for them. I've told her to get to Cardiff Castle, but we'll have to send someone she'll recognise to meet them."

Elizabeth just nodded, "I'll send Andrew for them, he shouldn't mind."

The Queen then sent them to guest rooms were they could shower and had clothing sent up to them, once they were clean Gwen, Ianto and Rhys were set up with computers in a room in the Palace in which they could try and figure out what was going on . Jack accompanied the Queen to parliament were she pulled the rug from under the elected politicians feet.

The whole process only took a few hours, and a special news bulletin went out that captured more attention than the previous ones about the children. The government had been disbanded and arrested for treason and that the Crown was taking control of the state, and had experts working on the problems that the children had been experiencing.

By the time Jack and Elizabeth arrived back at the Palace, Alice and Steven had been collected and the Queen's children had also arrived, wanting to know what had happened for their mother to be able to reclaim their birthright. They were all sat in a lounge, Jack and Elizabeth explaining what was happening when there was a knock on the door.

Elizabeth called for the person to enter, and the door opened to reveal Ianto Jones, he bowed to the Royal family before speaking, "I'm sorry to interrupt ma'am. Jack we think we've found them."

Jack excused himself and Ianto began to explain to him as they walked towards the room Torchwood was using as its base of operations for the moment, "We found a ship just outside of our airspace, that the psychic signal was being transmitted from when the children spoke. Whatever race this is, it's using a primitive form of mind control to get the children to speak in unison."

When they got into the room Ianto pointed out the findings on one of the monitors, "I've got it set up so that we can neutralise them easily, but I would prefer to wait until they try to transmit using the children again and hit them straight away then so we can make sure that they are really gone."

Jack just nodded then spoke after noticing that they were the only occupants of the room, "Where are Gwen and Rhys?"

Ianto smiled, "She's pregnant and he's not used to working the kind of hours we pull, I sent them to the guestroom they were given, so they could get some sleep."

Jack then ushered Ianto off to the room he was given, telling him to sleep, while he went back to report to the Royal family what Ianto had worked out, and what the plan was. While they were talking someone spoke about the family's security, especially now that they were in control of the British Isles again, and how Jack's team needed to forget about the familial connection the family had with Jack.

Jack agreed to retconning both Gwen and Rhys but refused to retcon Ianto, in the end he got the family to agree, telling them of how Ianto had saved his life getting him away from the government and how it was him who had thought of Protocol 439. It was done that night, both Gwen and Rhys were retconned then taken back to their flat in Cardiff while they were still asleep. Jack would tell them that they were retconned for their safety as they had seen some things that could put them in danger if it was found out they knew, and give them an edited version of events if asked.

The next day when the aliens began to transmit through the children again Ianto was ready, having worked out an energy pattern that could be used as a constructive wave powered by the electric grid, to blow their ship up. It worked, the children reverting to normal as soon as the wave had hit its mark.

The government may have thought that they could destroy Torchwood and deal with the alien their own way, but Torchwood as always had something up their sleeve. This time it had been a joker that was really an ace, which had been in place for years to protect the Crown and its underlings from the state.


End file.
